All the Difference Read online

  Livvi gritted her teeth a little, and took a sip — more of a gulp — and drained her wine glass. She just smiled and nodded. “I’m sure. It’s not something I’ve ever wanted. I enjoy my career. I don’t want to stop working, and I don’t think having kids when I’m not prepared to give my all to them is a very responsible thing to do.”

  Patrick eyebrows jerked, but he said nothing. He cleared his throat, then smiled. “Pity,” he said.

  Livvi smiled back. “Why’s that?”

  “I was looking forward to where this night was going.”

  Livvi looked at him through her lashes. “Just because we’re not right for a long term future, doesn’t mean we can’t have short term fun,” she said, her voice low. She reached out and lay her hand over his on the table.

  “Check, please,” Patrick said, and Livvi smiled.

  ***

  The girls accepted her explanation for the failure of the date with Patrick, and Livvi never told them that she went home with him anyway. Since she hadn’t been breaking any of the rules of their deal, it wasn’t something they needed to know. Plus they made a fuss of praising her for sticking to her guns about the whole family issue and not leading him on, so she didn’t want to kill their high opinion of her.

  And so she was lulled into a false sense of security about the dates they were picking out for her. She had let her guard down, and gone a third date for the weekend, on a Sunday night, even though she normally reserved Sundays for her own time.

  And now she was fuming.

  “Oh, god, I’m sorry, Liv. What a dick move,” Chloe said over the phone. Livvi was walking down the cold, wet street towards the train station. “I can’t believe he just left you there and didn’t drive you home.”

  “I’m pretty over this whole thing, already, Chloe,” Livvi said, annoyed that she could feel the prick of threatening tears.

  “Sorry, babe. We meant it to be a good thing.”

  “I know.”

  “Do you want to stop it? We can just forget the bet.”

  “Nicole would never let me,” Livvi said. Chloe laughed.

  “Probably not.”

  “Just pick better next time. And no more young guys. No matter how self-involved some of the older guys I’ve dated have been, they’d never leave me to go home at night by myself.”

  “Okay. No more young guys. Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need me to come get you or anything? Why didn’t you call a taxi?”

  “No, don’t worry. I tried calling a taxi but they said it would be 45 minute wait. No idea why, on a Sunday night. But the train station is right here, and it runs straight past my house, so I’m just going to catch that.”

  “Okay. Well, let me know when you get it.”

  Livvi shoved her hands in her pockets and stalked on. She’d thought walking a little bit would help her cool down, but she just felt more and more fuming mad with every step. Maybe she would just call off the deal, pay her $50, and be done with it. Go back to her own kind of dating.

  But even as she thought it, she felt her stubborn will resist it. She couldn’t stand the look on Nicole’s face when Livvi proved her right. She sighed and rummaged in her bag for headphones, shoved them in her ears and turned the music up loud to drown out her own thoughts.

  She entered the underpass that led to the station platform and grimaced at the garish, fluorescent lighting and stale smell of urine that seemed to permeate the damp walls. Maybe taking the train had not been such a great idea.

  Evading a murky puddle on the ground created by leaking water trickling from above, Livvi stepped to the other side of the tunnel around it.

  “Look out!” she heard through the beat of her music, and whipped her head around in time to see a bicycle careening towards her. She twisted away just in time to let the bicycle skid past her, but stumbled, skinning her bare knee along the asphalt ground, and scraping the palms of her hands as she threw them out to steady herself.

  The cyclist had jumped off his bike a few metres past her, and left it to come back to where she was picking herself up from the ground.

  “Are you okay?” the guy was asking her. Livvi didn’t even look at him.

  “Are you crazy?” she spat. “What did you think you were doing?”

  “I rang my bell at you. You stepped right out in front of me.”

  Livvi ripped her head phones from her ears, still blaring music. “I couldn’t hear you,” she said.

  “That’s hardly my fault. You should have been paying more attention. Lucky I was, or you would have been run over.”

  “And it turned out so much better,” Livvi said and glared at him, holding up her bleeding hands. The guy glanced at them, and then at her knee. Which she was afraid to look at it, it throbbed so painfully. She could feel wetness trickling down her leg.

  “Here, let me take a look,” he said, and stepped towards her.

  “Don’t touch me.”

  “It’s okay, I’m a paramedic. I’ve got a first aid kit in my bag.” He was already reaching for his backpack and pulling out a little green zippered pouch. Livvi regarded him. He had long hair and looked quite young. And he had nearly run her over. She felt very little inclination to trust him, but he had the bandaids and she had the bleeding wounds. There wasn’t much other choice. She nodded.

  “Here,” the guy said, and chucked his backpack on the ground against the wall, after glancing around. “Sit down on that if you like. It’ll be easier.”

  “Are you sure? Your bag will get dirty.”

  “It’s old. Don’t worry.”

  Livvi limped over to the makeshift seat and he helped lower her down to sit on it, keeping her hurt knee straight. She winced, and glanced at it, then looked away. “I’m not so good with blood,” she said and could feel her stomach quiver.

  “Lucky for you, I’m great with it,” he said and laughed.

  “Ouch!”

  “Sorry. I’m just cleaning it up.” He was wiping her knee gently with antiseptic. “I’m Troy, by the way.”

  “Livvi,” Livvi said, her face still averted.

  “Short for Olivia?”

  “Yeah. But nobody calls me that but my grandmother.”

  “Well, nice to meet you, Livvi.”

  “Nice?” She glanced at him. He looked at her. His eyes were an intense shade of green. Troy laughed.

  “Well, under better circumstances, it would have been. Sorry that I nearly ran you over,” he said with a grin.

  “Sorry for stepping out in front of you.”

  “Hey, forget it. You’ve been punished enough for that.” Livvi winced again as he stuck a bandage over the cut on her knee. “There, that’s all done. Show me your hands.”

  Livvi held them out obediently, and he took them. His hands were large and warm; he touched her gently, and glanced up with his green eyes. Livvi swallowed.

  “It might sting again,” he said, as he cleaned the gravely bits of dirt from the grazes with an antiseptic wipe. Livvi bit her lip but stayed silent. “How’s that?” She just nodded tersely, and was embarrassed to find tears springing to her eyes. Somehow the grazes on her hands felt worse than her knee. “These are actually pretty nasty grazes,” he said. “You might find it painful to use your hands for a couple of days,” he said. “But just keep them clean and dry, and they’ll be ok. Won’t leave a mark.” He put light bandages over the heels of her hands to protect the worst of the scrapes. “What do you do for work? Are you going to find it hard to rest your hands?”

  “I’m a paralegal. Lots of typing, but I’ll manage,” she said.

  “Paralegal. Paramedic. We were made for each other.”

  Troy smiled at her, and it did unexpected things to Livvi’s stomach. More pleasant things than the flip-flopping it had done at the sight of blood. He gripped her elbows and helped her to her feet.

  “Well, if I was going to get run over by anyone, I guess a paramedic isn’t the worst person to do it,” Livvi said.

  “True. Well
, I’m still in training, actually. But scrapes and grazes are covered on day one, so you’re lucky.” He grinned.

  Only in training. She’d thought he looked young. Livvi tried to take a step and winced again as she bent her injured knee. Troy touched her arm. “Were you going up to the station?” he asked, pointing to the platform above them.

  Livvi nodded. “I was meant to be,” she said.

  “Wait here a sec. I’ll just run my bike up the stairs, then come back and get you.”

  “Oh, you don’t—”

  “It’s no problem. I was going up there anyway. And you’ll be here all night if you try and get up those stairs yourself.”

  He was jogging away before she could say any more. She watched his lean frame as he lifted the bicycle to his shoulder, and dashed energetically up the stairs at the end of the underpass.

  Livvi exhaled loudly. What a night. She felt exhausted, and tears prickled at the backs of her eyes again. So when Troy appeared back to help her, smiling warmly and putting her arm over his shoulders with gentle strength, she couldn’t hold them back any longer. Troy didn’t notice right away, until she winced at the first step and he glanced at her.

  The wetness on her cheeks must have been obvious, though she was silent, but he didn’t say anything right away. He practically carried up most of the stairs and set her down on a bench to wait for the train.

  He sat down beside her. “Bad night?” he asked.

  Livvi laughed through her watery blubbering, and rolled her eyes. “I’ve had better.” She looked at him, his brow furrowed in concern. She laughed again. “It’s nothing really. A bad date, but I’ve had plenty of those. I’m just looking forward to getting home.”

  “It’s a pity,” he said.

  “What is?”

  “Well, I’ve probably ruined all chances of getting your number,” Troy said, a lopsided grin on his tanned face.

  Livvi looked at him. Her insides quivered. “Maybe not,” she said quietly. Troy grinned wider just as a train whirred into the station.

  “This is mine,” he said. “You going this way?” Livvi nodded.

  He helped her into a seat, stowed his bike and sat beside her again. His proximity created a pleasant heat in her middle, and she watched him while he put his wallet away in his back pack. Definitely young, she decided. And definitely not the clean cut type she normally liked, but there was something about his unruly appearance, and his gentle, gravely laugh that drew her and she couldn’t seem to take her eyes way. But he was so young. And she was trying to change — go for the guys that were right for her, for the long term, not just for the night in her bed. No matter how much she liked the thought of his hands touching her again.

  “My place is not far. The next stop,” Livvi said, gathering her bag to her and rising from her seat.

  “Oh,” Troy said, rising too.

  “It’s okay, I can make it. I don’t have far to go.”

  “Are you sure? I can—”

  “No, no. You’ve done plenty. Thank you,” she said, not looking at him. She had to get out of his presence, or she was going to lose her resolve.

  There was silence for a moment. The overhead speakers announced her station, and Livvi swayed on her feet as the trained slowed. Troy touched her waist to steady her.

  “I’m still going to ask for your number,” he said, and she glanced at him. She couldn’t help returning his grin.

  She grabbed a business card from her purse, and shoved it at him. “Okay. I’m not making any promises,” she said. “But, you probably should at least call me and check up on my injuries.”

  Troy grinned and took the card. “I make house calls,” he said. The doors to the train began hissing open. Livvi just arched her eyebrows at him and laughed. Then she alighted the train as gracefully as she could manage without looking back.

  ***

  Livvi took a sick day the next day. She never took sick days. And though her hands and knee throbbed and smarted whenever she moved them too much, it wasn’t really because of the injuries that she stayed home.

  Agreeing to the deal with her well-meaning friends had made her feel more vulnerable that she had anticipated, and that was a new feeling for Livvi.

  You ok babe? Chloe texted her, when it was past nine and clear Livvi was not at work. As much as Chloe liked to call Livvi out sometimes, she also seemed to instinctively know when Livvi just needed space and would give it to her. So when Livvi responded with a brief and vague text, she knew her friend would get it.

  Then she left her phone on the couch and limped to make a cup of tea. She flicked through a magazine on the bench while waiting for the kettle to boil, and ignored the chirruping her phone was doing in the other room. Even if Chloe left her alone, she knew Nicole and Kaye would be on to her and she didn’t really want to recount her night to all of them yet.

  And besides, the bad date wasn’t even really the issue. It was the way she felt stripped of her control. Livvi rolled her eyes and sighed. It was just a stupid, meaningless bet. The money was nothing and it was only for a month. And she was already falling apart.

  And now she couldn’t stop thinking about Troy. Somehow that bothered her the most.

  She hobbled back to the couch slowly, carrying the mug of tea gingerly in her finger tips, sat it on the coffee table and flopped to the couch, flinching as she stretched out her knee. She searched through the recordings on her TV to find the movie she had planned to watch on Sunday before she had agreed to the date. Her normal recharge day had been taken away, so she’d reclaim it now. She pulled a rug over her legs and settled back against the sofa cushions with her tea.

  Her phone beeped to remind her of the unread messages. Two were from Nicole and Kaye, as she’d suspected. She ignored them. They could wait.

  But the third was from an unfamiliar number and her pulse jumped.

  How’s the patient?

  Livvi stared at it for what seemed like minutes. A smile spread across her face. Maybe there was a better use of her me-time than a movie and too much chocolate.

  Why don’t you come by and find out, Livvi texted. As soon as she hit send, she regretted it. She flopped her head back against the sofa. Troy was all wrong for her. Too young, barely started in his career, probably also harbouring big dreams of a little wife and family.

  But somehow thinking of his green eyes and his hands on her skin made uncontrollable tingles ripple over her body.

  There was no reply. That decided it then. If her forwardness was too much for him, he definitely wasn’t her type; normally that was her filter. If she scared them off, she knew there was no future. But she felt a sinking disappointment in her gut. Letting out a puff of air between her lips, she pushed her phone away and started the movie.

  But she didn’t really watch it. She let herself daydream about Troy until her whole body flushed with thoughts of him.

  She must have fallen asleep. When she picked up her phone and looked at it through bleary eyes, it read 11.18, and she had more unread messages clogging up the screen. She scrolled through disinterestedly, still not wanting to respond to the probing questions from her friends.

  Then with a flash she remembered Troy.

  And there was the unfamiliar number again. It surprised her how much her heart raced to see it.

  I did promise you a house call.

  It was frustratingly brief. Livvi checked the time of the message. He had sent it an hour ago. And that was still almost an hour after she had sent her message to him. She stuck her lip out at the phone, her fingers hovering over the screen, but she typed nothing, feeling a strange mixture of annoyance and desire. And she knew why it was. She wasn’t used to someone like him not being the one to pursue her. She didn’t know what to expect from him, and she didn’t like that feeling. Even men like David were predictable, even if she didn’t totally like what she could predict. At least she knew how to handle them.

  For once she was lost and it paralysed her.

  She ha
d every reason not to message him back. To just forget about it. He wasn’t her type. She had made a deal to not choose her own dates. She obviously couldn’t be trusted — all her friends agreed on that.

  Stubbornly, she jabbed the keypad.

  I’m at home all day. She put in her address. Then sent it.

  And then waited another full hour staring at the TV screen without really seeing it. There was no replying message, and Livvi’s face had descended into a permanent pout. She had even got up to get changed, just in case he really did come by — but she just put on clean pyjama and a tank top; she didn’t want to seem like she was making an effort, but now even that seemed like it was too much and she was annoyed at herself.

  Until there was a knock at the door. She winced as she bent her knee, and limped to open it.

  “I come bearing gifts,” he said and grinned at her from her doorway. She had intended to be cool and distant, but her traitor face broke into a smile before she could stop it. She shuffled back and gestured for him to come in, which he did, and set the coffee and muffins on coffee table. As she moved to close the door, Livvi saw his bike leaning against the wall in the entry alcove.

  “Did you ride here carrying that?”

  “Yeah. I ride everywhere. You get pretty good at balancing stuff.”

  “Do you not have a car?”

  “No, I’ve never felt the need for one.”

  Livvi frowned and shut the door.

  “Well, thanks for the coffee,” she said, and lowered herself back onto the sofa. “Sit down. If you want,” she said. She almost grimaced at her own awkwardness. It was a new feeling. She had gestured to an arm chair, but he took the seat beside her. Livvi looked at him. “Can I ask how old you are?”

  “You can,” he said, and laughed.

  “Will you answer?”

  “Does it matter to you?”

  “No,” Livvi said. “No, it actually doesn’t.”