All the Difference Read online

  “Well, I’m twenty-three.” He didn’t own a car. He was practically a baby. And yet she found herself not caring about any of it. It was his green eyes, she decided. They cast some sort of spell on her. “How are your hands and knee?” Troy was asking. Livvi tore her eyes away from his face and glanced down at her injuries.

  “Not too bad. My knee is throbbing a bit, but my hands are ok if I don’t touch anything.”

  The corner of Troy’s mouth lifted in a grin, but he said nothing. He took one of her hands in his and lifted the light bandage to inspect it. Livvi swallowed. Electricity seemed to zing up her arm from where his hand touched her.

  “What?” she said. He was still grinning.

  “Oh, nothing. It’s just a pity…that you can’t touch anything.”

  Livvi blushed and swallowed again. What was wrong with her? She couldn’t think of anything to say.

  Troy released her hand, and moved to her knee, gently unsticking the gauze that covered it. Livvi still couldn’t bare to look at the ugly, scabby graze, but she watched him, feeling a warm admiration for how casual he was with it all. How deftly he had helped her the night before, and how gently and confidently he touched her now. She suddenly became acutely aware of how little she was wearing. Her thin, silky shorts just grazed the tops of her thighs and Troy’s hand lay on the smooth stretch of skin between there and her knee as he looked at her wound. He replaced the gauze, but his hand remained.

  “Well, you seem to be mending fine,” he said in a quiet voice, looking at her with heat in his eyes. “I was going to say sorry, again, for last night. But actually, I can’t say I am all that sorry.”

  “Oh, that’s nice,” Livvi said with a fake pout.

  “Well, if you’d never stepped in my way, I might never have stopped,” he said, and he grinned at her. “And if you hadn’t been injured, you wouldn’t have needed me. And probably would never have given me your number.”

  “I might have,” Livvi protested, but only half heartedly. Troy just smiled. “Well, you’re here now, aren’t you.”

  “I am,” he said. His hand was still on her leg. “Just to check in on my handy-work, really. Paramedics don’t often get to see the healing side of things. We’re just there for the emergencies.”

  “Oh, well, I guess I should feel honoured. Thank you for calling. The emergency is over.” She was joking with him, but she felt a little bristly. She couldn’t read him. But his hand still hadn’t left her leg. That was surely unmistakable in its intention.

  “Well, that was only a brief house call. Unless…”

  “Unless?” Livvi said in a choked whisper. Troy’s hand slid a little higher up her thigh. He turned towards her further.

  “Unless…well, you’re not a work. Maybe there is something else you need.”

  Desire curled through Livvi’s abdomen. “I don’t know about need, but I know what I want,” she said.

  “And what is that?” His hand slid a little higher, brushing the hem of her shorts. Livvi’s eyes grew heavy-lidded. She didn’t need to answer. He was already leaning in, and she closed her eyes as his lips grazed hers. Just once, and he pulled back a little to look at her, waiting. Livvi leaned into him, and met his lips again, bringing one hand to the back of his head, to pull him in.

  “Ahh.” She winced. Troy took both her hands in his lightly, careful to not touch her palms, and held them to his chest. Then he kissed her again. Firmly and confidently. There was no hesitation there, and if he ever pulled back it was to tease and draw her to him. He let her hands fall softly into his lap between them, and brought one hand to tangle in her undone blond hair, running his tongue over her bottom lip, grazing it over her tongue in her mouth. A sigh came from somewhere deep down, and she leaned into him further, wrapping her arms around his neck, keeping her hands out of the way.

  Troy placed a hand on her lower back and slid her towards him, gently holding her by the back of her knee with the other hand to keep it straight. But he never stopped kissing her, and Livvi drew herself closer, pressing her body into his, hooking her uninjured leg around his waist and shifting her hips against him. He moaned and kissed her harder.

  Livvi’s body felt alive with electricity. She didn’t remember feeling that sort of thrill from kissing since she had been a teenager, stealing moments in the back of a car on a dark road somewhere.

  The hand the rested on her leg slid up her smooth skin and sent goosebumps prickling all over her. He griped her tightly, his thumb brushing close to the heat between her legs and her breath came in sharp gasps as she rocked against him.

  Troy brought his hands to her waist as she sank back to the sofa cushions drawing him with her. She caught his hips between her legs and arched herself against him, eliciting a soft moan. His fingers inched her tank top up, a palm sliding over the skin at her waist, and higher until he grazed her breast.

  She was breathing in pants, small whimpers of desire escaping her. Troy brought his face away to look at her for a moment, his eyes unfocused with desire. With her crossed forearms at the back of his neck, she pulled him down to her again. He responded with a slow thrust of his hips against the throbbing between her legs. He kissed down her neck, and along her collarbone, tugging at her tank top with his hands. She lifted up and he slid it over her head. She barely noticed the sting as the fabric brushed the bandages on her hands, she was so intoxicated by the scent and the presence of him. Even for her, this was an unexpectedly strong reaction in such a short time. Her body shuddered.

  He held himself above her, looking down at her bare breasts then meeting her eyes intensely. Livvi bit her bottom lip, and for once it was in genuine nervous apprehension and not a flirtatious ploy. He made her nervous. And she liked it. She liked caring what he thought of her. Of feeling the excited uncertainty of what he would do, and where this would go.

  Troy smiled at her as he slowly lowered his lips to her skin, kissing softly. Flicking his tongue over her nipples and sucking each one into his mouth momentarily, before he lifted back and up and stripped his own shirt off. Livvi’s breath was coming short and panting, and her eyes roved over his tanned and taught skin. She ran her fingertips over the lines of his muscles.

  “Bike riding does you good,” she murmured with a smile, and Troy grinned. She pulled herself up to him, her arms gripping around his waist, and kissed slowly down the centre of his firm chest. His breathing grew ragged, and he pressed against her. Then he lay her back down, and lifted back onto his knees to undo his belt and jeans, shucking his remaining clothes off quickly. He dug in the pocket of his jeans briefly and lay a condom on the coffee table beside the now cold coffee.

  Livvi watched his movements, her impatient desire building. Troy pulled on her shorts and slid them off, underwear and all, going slowly over her injured knee, then flinging them away. She lay naked beneath him, and shivered a little, though she felt hot all over. Her eyes flickered to where he quivered and pulsed above her, before he lowered himself back to her. The length of their bodies twined together, his skin hot against hers as she arched and pressed against him. He smelled of a pleasant mix of coffee and musky sweat, and every nerve in her body was set on fire. She breathed in panting moans, her hips rising to him involuntarily. She closed her eyes and clung to him, kissing him deeply and desperately.

  She felt him fumble for the coffee table without breaking his mouth away from hers, then he pulled away a little to rip the wrapper with his teeth.

  He enveloped her again, his body crushing against her.

  “Oh, god, Olivia,” he groaned into her neck, as the tip of him met her hot, wet centre and he paused there. She rose up to meet him and he pushed into her slowly, fluidly. She shuddered against him, gripping him tighter. He moved slowly, rhythmically, kissing her deeply, his tongue tangling with hers. Then he pulled back to graze her lip between his teeth, run his tongue over her jaw, suck her earlobe. Her own mouth explored every bit of skin she could reach, the salty taste of him mingling with his heady scen
t and certain, firm weight against her to drive her further into desperate desire.

  She moved against him, faster, but he held her hips to stay her and he was still for a moment. He grinned at her frustrated groan, his long hair falling about his face and forming a curtain that framed his face. Livvi’s heart felt like it had stopped. That moment burned itself in her mind, and even when she closed her eyes with a long sigh, she could still see his green eyes above her.

  He began to move again, leaning down to kiss her softly, tenderly. That seemed to have an even greater effect on her than anything else, and with his slow, firm strokes he tipped her powerfully over the edge. She clung to him, gasping, throbbing with waves of liquid heat washing over her. He pressed deeply, firmly into her, his face against her neck as he climaxed and shuddered against her with hoarse groans.

  And even after he was still, they lay tangled together in a panting, blissful haze for long moments.

  As her head began to clear a little, Livvi thought about the man that lay in her arms as her fingers lightly stroked the hair at his neck. And she began to wonder if maybe she had judged men on their age unfairly. Maybe she just hadn’t met the right ones yet. And wasn’t it typical that the moment she stopped looking for anyone, someone like Troy crashed into her life. And maybe that was a good thing.

  His lips brushed against her skin, and he stayed breathing against the crook of her neck.

  But her head was clearing further, and little tendrils of fear were creeping in. She didn’t want to think like that. Not so quickly about someone she didn’t know. About someone only days ago she would have insisted was not her type. This had been a heady, lust-filled indulgence. That was all. She could feel the wall settling back in around her, ready to put distance between them.

  She was sure that was all it was for him too. A midday booty call. She felt a tightness in her chest as she wondered what he really thought of her. And then she gritted her teeth. Since when did she care what anyone thought of her?

  “Everything okay?” Troy asked, rising on his elbows to look down at her. His hands were either side of her face, and he brushed her hair back with his fingertips.

  “Yeah. Of course. Why?” she said a little tersely.

  “You just seem to have tensed up all over.”

  “Oh.” He was still stroking the sides of her face gently, and he leant down and grazed his lips over hers with a little breathy ‘mmm’. He smiled at her languidly as he lifted his head again. The way he looked at her made her heart stutter in strange little palpitations and her chest felt tight. But when he leaned down to kiss her again, she couldn’t help melting against him.

  ***

  While he went to the bathroom to clean up, Livvi pulled on her clothes and sat up on the couch and hugged her knees to her chest. Then grimaced as the movement pulled at the scabs on her knee. She straightened that leg out and stayed hugging the other.

  Troy returned to the lounge room where she sat, with his jeans slung low on his waist but no shirt. He grinned at her, bent to pick up one of the cups of coffee, and stretched languidly.

  “Hey.” He had a slightly sheepish grin on his face. Livvi returned a tight smile.

  Troy took a sip from cup in his hand.

  “Ugh. Forgot that was cold,” he said, and laughed.

  “There’s a coffee machine in the kitchen,” Livvi said, and started to rise.

  “You stay there. I’ll get it,” he said, but instead of going to the kitchen he leaned down and kissed her first.

  The curling warmth around her heart made her smile, even as it frightened her. By the time he returned with two mugs of coffee, and sat by her on the sofa, his knee resting against hers and a hand on her leg, Livvi felt almost choked by her own heartbeat. What was wrong with her? She could barely swallow the sip of coffee she took.

  “You don’t have to stay around,” she found herself saying. Troy glanced at her and his languid smile faltered.

  “Is that what you expect? For me to just want to leave?” Livvi didn’t answer. She just stared at him with wide eyes finding no response. “Is that what you want?”

  She swallowed. “I—I want you to do whatever you want. I don’t want you to worry I’m get all clingy and serious about it.”

  Troy wasn’t smiling at all anymore. Livvi couldn’t meet his face. Out of the corner of her eye she could see him nodding slowly. He shifted to put his coffee mug down on the table beside them and his hand left her skin. Escaping, she guessed. Whether it was because he did really want to leave and she had given him permission, or whether it was just because she was icing him out, she wasn’t sure; but either way the result was the same. And inevitable. So it may as well happen now.

  Horrified, Livvi felt the sting of tears, and blinked rapidly, turning her face away. She swallowed them back and gulped her coffee; Troy hadn’t said anything for a few long moments. She felt his hand back on her thigh, lightly. She flicked her head to look at him.

  A frown still hovered between his eyebrows making him look annoyed. His eyes were probing hers.

  “You just make me nervous,” Livvi admitted, surprised at herself but she couldn’t seem to stop. “I just don’t know what to expect from you — you’re not the type I normally date. Not that we’re dating,” she added quickly. “I just don’t normally do this. I mean, I do, but not... I just mean…I’m not really sure what I’m doing. And I don’t like that feeling.”

  Troy just watched her until she fell silent, looking down at her lap.

  “That’s my favourite feeling,” he said. She glanced at him and he was grinning.

  “See what I mean? You’re so different to me. I said you being younger doesn’t matter to me, but usually it does. And maybe there’s a reason for that.”

  “Maybe. But you said it doesn’t matter to you this time. Maybe there’s a reason for that.”

  Livvi looked at him, biting on the inside of her lip.

  “Look, Olivia. I’m not making any promises. We have only just met. But flirting with you and this… house call has been the best part of my year so far. I want to see where it goes.” Livvi’s stomach twisted a little at the way he said her full name again.

  “And what if it doesn’t go anywhere?”

  “What if it does?”

  Livvi ran a finger over the lip of her mug.

  “Age isn’t the only difference I’m talking about,” she said. She hated herself for her own intensity, but she couldn’t let it drop.

  “I know.”

  “I don’t want kids you know. I don’t know if I even want to get married,” Livvi blurted. Troy raised his eyebrows and then smiled.

  “Neither do I.”

  “Oh. You don’t?”

  Troy shook his head. “I think you’re over thinking this.”

  “Probably.”

  He was still smiling but his lips had compressed into a thin line. She could see a flicker of something in his expression. Doubt? Regret?

  “I’m not going to push you. I came here because I thought we were both on the same page. But if this isn’t what you want…” He ended it with a shrug.

  Livvi felt a flash of annoyance. “Maybe you should just go.”

  Troy’s smile was gone completely now, and he regarded her impassively. He rose from the sofa in silence and reached for his shirt. Livvi watched regretfully as the view of his chest disappeared, and with it any of the last remaining warmth that managed to cling to her. In its place, she felt a painful hollowness as he prepared to leave. She felt an urge to stop him, but what would she even say? They didn’t know each other. Their momentary passion on the sofa didn’t give her any stake in his life, and she had already come across as someone she never wanted to be; any hint of pleading would just make it worse.

  Troy looked at her, and his mouth opened and shut briefly, as if he was going to say something but thought better of it. “See ya,” he said.

  “Bye,” Livvi said, without looking at him as he went to the door behind her. She could
feel his movements like she had heat seekers in her skin, and then the door opened and shut and she felt cold all over.

  ***

  “Don’t tell the others,” Livvi said, sniffling and wiping her nose with the tissue Chloe proffered. She ran her fingers under eyes trying to keep the weeping make up from travelling too far.

  “Don’t worry about the stupid bet,” Chloe said. “They won’t care about that.”

  “I just don’t want them to know about it. Not yet.”

  “Okay. I won’t say anything.”

  Another woman entered the bathroom and glanced at Livvi sitting on the counter beside the sink, but magnanimously looked away as if she hadn’t even seen, and entered a stall. Livvi slipped down from the counter and turned to the mirror. Despite her best efforts, her make up had been no match for her watery tears and dark smudges streaked her cheeks.

  “This is ridiculous. I’ve never got this upset over any guy, and now I’m losing my shit over someone I hardly know.” She grabbed some paper towel and wet it, and tried to wipe her face.

  “It’s not just the guy, though, is it,” Chloe said.

  “What do you mean?”

  Chloe watched her reflection in the mirror, and chewed her lip a little bit in the way that meant she was trying to think of a delicate way of putting something unpleasant.

  “Do you think it’s just the…culmination of how you’ve been feeling for a while?”

  “Enlighten me. Everyone else has obviously been deeply considering my love life more than I have.”

  “Well, you told me yourself that you didn’t like feeling out of control of the situation.”

  “We all know I’m a control freak, that’s nothing new.” Livvi pulled out a compact and tried dusting some powder across her cheeks and nose to see if it would hide the redness. It didn’t really work. “Somehow Troy brought out the insecure little girl in me. I didn’t even know that was in me.” She pressed her lips together to hold back more tears. “Ugh. I wish I’d never met him.”

  The stall door opened.